jay Zalowitz


I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.

I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

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Hackathons Hacks Skills Contact

PirateDial.io Submitted

TwilioCon 2012 Hackathon

We are using the soundcloud api, twilio, google app engine, and heroku to create a dial in radio station that streams songs to your phone.

We envision this extending digital radio to those without 3g connections, such as citizens of 3rd world countries.

Oh, and we have a button that does somet... Read More

Logo for setonia-dot-com

setonia.com Submitted

Foursquare Hackathon 2013

So I decided it would be best to try and take down google for the hackathon.

Kidding, but I did make a product search.

Just start typing in the search box and you will get results sent back to you in <200ms (amazon is throttleing me, so more letters = more likely throttled, but I am caching re... Read More

Catering based name here In Progress

DeveloperWeek 2013 Hackathon!!

We are going to AirBnb Catering nationwide... Read More

Logo for any-at-givenvc-dot-com

Any@givenvc.com Submitted

TechCrunch Disrupt NYC 2013

Email your business description to Any@givenvc.com and we will send you back the venture capitalist you should have fund it.... Read More

Logo for okcandidate

OkCandidate Submitted

TimesOpen Hack Day

Find your perfect match.... Read More

Alright Music Submitted

Music Apps Hack Weekend

My project lets people find the answers to new and well known artists they might like and gives them a playlist of tracks that they can check out on their top 5 suggestions.

The user is also prompted to give us more (and personally identifiable) data allowing us to communicate further suggestions... Read More

Logo for well-heeled

Well Heeled Submitted

eCommerce Hack Day

A need fulfilment subscription service. ... Read More

Mailanator Submitted

TechCrunch Disrupt SF 2013

We use apis to get the information related to who is in your inbox and make it searchable.... Read More